We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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