My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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