someone owes me an orgasm
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
