Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
