do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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