Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
