And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
