You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
