I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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