I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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