Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
