i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
