My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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