Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
