i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
