So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
