Where did you get a picture of my penis
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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