we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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