i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So much rum. So many feels.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
