It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
