I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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