you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
