and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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