I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Randomize
