i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
