I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
