I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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