god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
