I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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