Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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