Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
