failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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