Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
