i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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