So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
