I must be too annoying 4 u.
She is in my trunk
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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