I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
