Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
