I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
