Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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