I just saw a hot homeless man
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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