what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
