I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
