you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
