After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
