On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
