discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
