matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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