i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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