This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
