I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
